Having had my license for just over a decade now, I feel qualified to bring you this news flash.
Attention: Despite popular belief, just because you are inside of you car does not mean that I can no longer see you!
Neither tinted windows nor excessive speed can immunize you.
I commute at least 50 miles a day in traffic ranging from 3-80mph and have become quite the connoisseur of observing the driving habits of those around me – this is mostly a defense mechanism due to the plethora of overtly inept recipients of a California driver’s license.
Albeit undocumented, my research has determined that most drivers can be grouped into one, if not many of the following groups:
The Gold Miner – You can hardly wait for the coveted moment when the false sense of security your car provides you kicks in and you can reach for the sky and venture off on a picking excursion of epic portion. The ironic part is when you finish you never fail to look down at your finger and then into the rear view mirror to make sure you’re ‘clear’. Next time look out the window next to you and there it is; YES … I can see you!
The American Idol – “…and the Britney song was on …” I get it, the road rhythm creates a nice vibrato, the steering wheel doubles as a drum set and your radio can broadcast at a volume just higher than your ears can hear your actual pitch. All that aside, next time you find yourself in mid head bang during the third chorus of an epic ballad, turn and look out the window next to you and there it is; YES … I can see you!
The Jerry Springer – Indubitably, life is stressful. In your exemplary display of multi-tasking you take on some of the biggest arguments behind the wheel. This is often packaged into an impressive finger gesture and hands-free device four-letter word shouting display. I know it is quite a cozy little cubby of anger there in your car, but seriously; look out the window next to you and there it is. YES … I can see you!
The Procreator – As if the ‘kids on board’ yellow triangle dangling in your minivan’s hatchback window didn’t give it away, then your flailing limbs aimed toward the back seats did. Junior wasn’t happy that you made him get into the car in the first place and no amount of assistance can help him calm down now. Put down the Capri Sun, turn up Raffi and face forward please. Oh, and turn your head to the side and look out the window next to you, YES … I can see you!
Now, I know that this is not a fully encompassing description of all motorists but it is what I believe to be an accurate account of what we all must cope with whenever we take to the roadways. This time of year so many of us are traveling via car to see our friends and family so please be safe and if you are so inclined, turn and look out the window next to you …..